Natural is a nice word, isn’t it? Doesn’t it make you think of palm trees and the rainforest and summer breezes and freshly churned butter? You know, and tender young Cheetos, just in from the Cheeto harvest?

Oh, no. Sorry, everybody. It turns out “natural” is a completely meaningless marketing term. Maybe next time we’ll get a good one.

But actually, before the image of the Cheeto harvest gets too far away from us, I should remind you that food isn’t the only thing people want to sell you under this label. There’s also plastic bottles, clothing made in sweatshops, and perhaps my personal favorite: medicine.

Yes, natural medicine. These products can cure cancer, indigestion, AND multiple sclerosis, but good luck getting your natural-medicine practitioner or the uniformed employees at your local hippie grocery store to help you with a severed limb or a detached retina.